If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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