I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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