Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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