what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
