jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
