we're chasing vodka with high fives
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
