Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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