you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
