i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
this just has baby written all over it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
