I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
