ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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