piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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