I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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