god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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