she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
