Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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