Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
