btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i barfeds in our rink
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
