Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
