i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
