Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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