When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
