I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
