I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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