just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
