Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
