I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
