How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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