woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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