I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
