as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
