PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
