drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
