I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
