what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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