i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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