just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
