JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
