Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
nutella sex= disaster
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
