I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
