is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
