You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
