She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
