took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
