so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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