you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
vagina is talking i cant
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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