i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
