Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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