This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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