just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
